dunno....

nature tries to hide,
with her leaves and weeds and brush,
her child's err, our homes

Line of Duty

trenches on the line,
warmed steel in cold fingers, a
loving mothers wound

Bums

litter roams the street,
open hands carry closed hearts,
un-gloved in winter

Inspiration

She dips her pen in my heart

through an unseen wound

and her words are my life

I am a muse she has created

an unholy chimera of her passions

I dip my pen in her heart

through an unforgiving wound

and my words are my pain

she is a muse I have imagined

an unholy incarnation of my desire

We dip our pens in each others' hearts

through requited wounds

and our words are our enslavements

we, each the other's muse, life and pain,

holy lovers of the others desire and passion

...

a darkened sky
midnight
the street lamp illuminates
an autumn maple
like a shadow of light in
a darkened world

colors

red is the color of blood
of lacerations of the flesh
self-inflicted
the color of amusement parks
and tricycles
red is the color of my heart which beats life
of fire which destroys the same

blue is the color of tears
of asphyxiation
with a smile
the color of cotton candy
and collared polos
blue is the color of the river which runs
and the ocean which sinks

yellow is the color of a newborn child
of jaundiced old men
drowning in home-brew
the color of fireworks
and Easter gowns
yellow is the color of the sun which shines
and the moon which mocks it

white is the color of carnations
of a child's smile
fading in time
the color of wedding dresses
and vanilla ice cream
white is the color of all colors, of light
and the color of pale skin when all light fades

black, black is not a color
it is the absence I am writing with
shedding darkness of this bright leaf
black is all that I love
all that I wish to see
so I scribble and write
to cover this leaf with a new color
the color of a poem unwritten
the color of an infant song
the color of undying belief
of ignorance knowing its wrong
give me the color forth
from the darkness of my ink
with poetic alchemy
I scribble
I draw
I write
to rid this leaf of the color of light

Nameless Nymph

Nameless nymph,
tender temptress.
In that awkward moment,
our worlds became as one.
In that crowded train,
our fears became undone.
In that single glance,
a thousand soft words are shared.
In that shy retreat,
a thousand hard tears are shed.

Nameless nymph,
our lips have never parted yet we kissed.
tender temptress,
our bodies never touched yet I raped you.

Nameless nymph,
tender temptress,
you exist only for these moments
these moments we share.

a thousand moments
a thousand nymphs

I

yesterday I believed myself a raindrop,
falling and rising in rhythm between the ocean and the clouds,
in descent, I was but what's naught,
as I was drank by the greater waters,
I found myself quivering,
a murky fragment in the boundless depths.
in ascent, I was naught but what was,
as I became of the greater mists,
I found myself somber,
a jaded shiver in the unfathomable heights
today I have found that I am the cloud and the ocean and the raindrop.
I am all of life flowing in rhythm within myself.

let me rest my knees before you,
let me rise and I shall never rest,
to prove my worth,
to stand by your side,
may my back be broken,
humbled,
bent

shy guy

my dark eyes see all of you
all but your bright eyes
your soft smile shines on all of my luster
yet you ignore the eyes contradicting my sweet smile
your ears linger to hear the parting waters which rush from those lips
yet know not the impossible labor of the throat in refining the crude to the clear

words

these words will never be enough
they are my frustration
you'll never see the flame of my passion
not in these words
these words are the seal not the expression
I give you my love in these words
as your beauty is given in a photograph
as your rage is given in a smile
my passions are given in these words
but these words are not enough
I want to smash,
to break,
incite,
ignite,
yet I recite
I want to caress,
to kiss,
grasp,
fuck,
yet I write
no, these words will never be enough
but from so far away, they are all I have.

Sip and Sic

I wait for us to fade away
deceptor, you said we were no more
I watch and wait as all the joy becomes pain
I sipped the sweet wine
you warned it'd grow bitter
I hold to that first sip
that first sip
sip and sic
another mistake
you held me tight
it took so much to loosen the grasp of your talons
now I hold the bottle
I watch and wait for us to fade
sip, sip, sic
I'm dreaming and awake
you said we'd be no more
so why do I still see us
how can you be so far and near
vixen
love
sip, sip, sip...sic
I'm thinking by myself
my only fear
no one but me here
we are no more
but I am we
sip and we are no more.

...

I'll lie my head upon your shoulder 

your thoughts seep in 

blanket me in your doubts 

cover my insecurities with your lies 

 I'll rest my feet in your lap 

your tickles send rumors 

trap me in your heart 

enrage me with your love 

 I'll close my eyes against your neck

your words paint murals 

arouse me in your ether 

entice me with your poetry

Beauty

I searched for your beauty repeated,
that you might know the power it possesses,
Far and near, I searched in desperation.
but no rose knew symmetry,
no vase had a perfect flaw,
no painting knew grace and rhythm,
no song could smile,
no diamond emobodied innocence,
no pearl could make me cry.
So I've brought you a mirror.
Though its reflection is dull and contorted,
only in it shall beauty ever be revealed to you.

Trapped_inSanity

I am sane by my standards alone. Insane by yours. I am insane by yours. I am frustrated by the schism between who I am and how I act.I am masked insanity, trapped. I am trapped in sanity.

Memories

We are our memories
let us not forget from whence we came
so as we drink the wine which ripens in each sip
from the river which flows with each turn,
let us savor the sorrow and pain
that we might comprehend the joy and bliss

the abyss

This is the abyss
dark as dusk
but dawn shall never come
we are stuck in this moment
when light escapes the plains
weary and weak we can only watch
we sit and wait
light forever dims
darkness approaches in a tease
yet, that darkness never approaches
I smile for I sit with the light
let darkness come and take me
that I can be overcome in this dusk
next to you
guide me toward our soul
that we might shine as one
for you are not the flower but the root
which creates bliss of bitterness
brilliance in the shade

Dark Flashes

I can see the gaps between moments
dark flashes upon which my heart races in anticipation
time withers, twists and tears
blanks within a stare
no time lost
I can see the gaps between moments

N*****

Have you ever seen darkness glow? I thought I had once. Darkness that gleamed brilliantly. I saw in it all that I desired in this world. Darkness in and of itself could be beautiful. I wanted to know her, to come closer. As I drew near I saw the treachery of a broken--yes, broken fits all too cunningly--light bulb painted in luminous sheen. Never had I seen such ugliness. I hate all that she is.


how does your darkness glow?
how does the solemn void of your heart warm my luminous soul?
as your brilliance fades and gives way to light, my heart grows cold.
why does my brilliance trace menacing patterns upon your darkened walls?

I am the shadow man.

ahem

were my lips to dry,
would that a tear could fall to your cheek
would you let my wet my lips upon your pain?
could I quench my thirst or would you tease me?
would your suffering flow like the river?
or would a single drop be made to suffice my longing?
were I to be that tear, would you let me fall?
catch me in your palm and consume me, your pain

were my eyes to belie my insanity,
could you tear from your face that mask
so that we can stand together in the light
two as one as two creatures of the night
or would you turn away to the masquerade?
would you smile and laugh in the crowd?
would you frustrate your soul in lamenting?
Hearken to the song of the blackbird traveling in the ether

were my hands to tremble in your touch,
would you hold them tighter in your grasp
or would you grow limp and foreign?
would you forget they tremble for love
could you touch my soul to spite my fear
as your stomach trembles in hunger,
my soul trembles in thirst
let our souls be whole and my fingers shall be sure.

Root

To be a root and hold fast to the ugliness of the earth
to exclude myself from the beauty of the land and suckle at the teet of harsh ground
to consume not but the bitterness of decay and rot and to drink the rain of heavens defiled by the dirt
Yet still to grow--this was the charge of the breeze as it whispered through the reeds
to create from the vile hatred of trampled lands a stem or a stalk
to protrude from the captivity of darkness and claim a place in the sun
to smile in the light, laugh in the wind and to cry in the rain
but to never lose my grasp upon the earth which feeds me
to bear my fruit to the hungry or show my blossoms to the dejected
let them forget at heart I'm a root for my soul resides in the bosom of the earth
I shall consume bitterness and create bliss
This was the charge of the breeze as it whispered through the reeds

some poems

My heart is a lonely ember
let it not die out or inflame
as the wind whispers to my dismal soul,
I fight back the waters rush
...

I was without a home
that I could rest,
I made chaos my home,
I lay my head upon bedlam.

I was without a heart
that I could love,
I made pain my love
I am the masochist's smile

I was without a mind
that I could think,
I made logic my mind
I am the solipsist

I was without grief
that I could cry,
I made laughter my grief
I am the calm of the apathist

I was without soul
that I could exist,
I made her my soul
I am her

I am without chaos
my dreams escape me
I am a restless wanderer

I am without pain
my eyes betray love
I am a darkened heart

I am without logic
my mind is slain by the shadows
I am trapped insanity

I am without laughter
my tears belie my apathy
I am hopelessness frustrated

I am without her
she no longer forms patterned on the wall
I am beside existence

...

were I a moth, I'd fly to the light
to be caressed by its warmth and embraced by its brilliance
in faith it'd sprinkle its luminosity beneath my wings
gliding upon rays of fragrant bliss, I'd smile
were it to burn my skin, I'd fly surer
unabashedly chasing the flame
my shadows would pose as phantoms on the walls I'd flee
would you stop me?
would you doubt my wisdom?
would you follow me or stay in my shadow?
I am a moth chasing the ember of my soul
let me fly
follow me
for my wisdom is pure
and my passion is base
there is beauty in the flame
...
my only want is to be your moon,
to reflect your beauty , muddled and dull in my eyes
let me stay by your side
to be the darker background to your shine
...
that I could hold your pain in my bosom
surrender unto me your heart

I consumed the breath of truth in silence, 

exhaled in solemn surrender that the pain might sustain the passions, 

intrigued by exaltation, 

I surrendered my lips to the sweet aroma of love before I knew love, 

I was alone After biting the bitter fruit, 

I comprehended my aloneness, 

The sweet juices burnt my lips, 

embittering my tongue memories grew dimmer in the presence of the present. 

as I wandered blind into the sacred abyss of my love's waters, 

I realized, 

like a seed sewn in the wind, 

love must be chaste, 

solemnly tended, 

less its innocence be squandered, 

In ignorance, 

I waded as the waters rushed, 

thrashed as the pond grew serene. 

Love confided in me, myself, 

I confided in love, nothing, 

In search for my soul, 

I sought harmony with bedlam 

In submission to my love, 

I found chaos conquered.

1000 things to do before i die

1. be a part of a completely spontaneous but perfectly choreographed musical number with random people i don't know
2. learn to fly a plane
3. see the arora borealis
4. drive across country alone
5. save someone's life
6. see a sunrise and sunset on every continent (maybe not antarctica)
7. experience complete silence for an hour
8. demolish a brand new sports car with a sledge hammer, chainsaw, and axe
9. get a poem published
10. write a book
11. have a personal library (min of 100 books)
12. read every book in my personal library
13. fake my own death
14. do my taxes
15. learn japanese
16. learn spanish
17. cook a meal worthy of fine china
18. be an ircop
19. write a program, game, etc... that ppl actually buy
20. debate a political pundit
21. debate a US senator
22. meet a foreign head of state
23. paint a mural illegally
24. get married
25. have kids
26. attend my kids' graduation
27. be independent
28. ride a motorcycle
29. finish the omnivore's 100 list
30. make a viral video
31. see a sumo wrestling match in japan
32. give $100,000 to charity in one year
33. design a shoe and have it sold nationwide
34. bake a souffle
35. sail in the Mediterranean
36. ride a boat out far enough that i can't see land
37. learn kendo
38. sword fight
39. parachute
40. parasail
41. base jump
42. bungee jump
43. learn to write backwards
44. learn to write with my left hand
45. learn to skateboard
46. eat an entire pizza on my own
47. talk back to my parents
48. get an honorary degree
49. grow a respectable beard
50. get "where the fuck was i yesterday?" drunk
51. drink an old fine wine
52. get quoted in a book
53. climb an aztec pyramid
54. debate Dr. Cornel West
55. commit insurance fraud
56. spend an entire 24 hours doing nothing but listening to music
57. learn to ride a unicycle
58. learn to juggle
59. catch a squirrel
60. punch an emo
61. get hit by a car and live
62. discover a dinosaur bone/fossil
63. go skiing
64. ride in a trolley
65. eat an animal i killed other than fish
66. set-up 1000 dominoes perfectly and watch them fall
67. drink a soda right off the line
68. eat a chip off the line
69. dine and ditch
70. hitchhike
71. jump into a moving car
72. attend a movie premier
73. go a day without boredom
74. see a psychiatrist
75. perform an emergency trach
76. give a random homeless guy $1000
77. swim with dolphins
78. post 100 times on xc in a day
79. get into a bar fight
80. lose a fight with a complete stranger
81. win a fight with a complete stranger
82. build a shed
83. fix up a junker of a car
84. own a house
85. sell a house
86. go to a crazy (comic/game/anime) convention
87. drive through rush hour traffic in a big city
88. go rock climbing
89. see all seven wonders of the world in person
90. learn to play golf
91. attend a major sporting event
92. go skinny dipping at night
93. watch a NASA launch
94. sleep in a hotel penthouse with a view
95. be an audience member of SNL
96. take my kids to get slimed in Orlando
97. get slimed in Orlando
98. make a ship in a bottle
99. write a message in a bottle
100. ride a camel through the desert
101. drift in a canoe and read a good book
102. see a solar eclipse
103. sit beneath a waterfall
104. forgive my parents
105. go white water rafting
106. go scuba diving
107. kiss the Blarney Stone (preferably while atleast a little drunk)
108. buy a car with a suitcase of cash
109. create my own website
110. run a marathon
111. go to the top of the statue of liberty
112. learn to salsa
113. learn to ballroom dance
114. ride a gondola in Venice
115. walk on hot coals
116. run with bulls
117. go to october fest in germany
118. learn calligraphy
119. master Esquire Magazines "75 Skills Every Man Should Master"
120. say something original and profound spontaneously
121. have a quote for every situation
122. see every movie in AFC's 10 top 10 and 100 lists
123. ride in a submarine
124. collect something to the brink of obsession
125. find something a museum accepts into a display
126. learn to meditate and do it every day for a month
127. read an ancient text in its original language
128. catch a fist
129. write an autobiography
130. have my portrait painted
131. build an exact replica of an architectural marvel out of something like toothpicks
132. win a build a bridge competition with pontifax
133. take a flight first class, 
134. catch a fish with my hands
135. catch a fish with a spear
136. catch a fish with a bow and arrow i fashioned myself
137. ride on a hot air balloon
138. hike the wondertrail around Mt Rainier
139. get into a youtube worthy prankwar
140. work on a presidential campaign
141. read a dictionary
142. read an encyclopedia
143. become an expert in a frivolous field
144. make a snowman
145. stop and help someone broken down on the side of the road....don't get stabbed
146. change a tire for a stranger
147. go 100 on a highway by myself
148. build a raft and float on it
149. cut down a tree
150. own at least one expensive suit
151. join a gun club
152. learn CPR
153. experience weightlessness
154. ride in a jet
155. ride in a tank
156. pet a tiger
157. hold a snake longer than my wingspan
158. prank a stranger
159. spend a weekend in vegas
160. forget parts of a weekend in vegas
161. brew my own beer
162. talk a cop out of giving me a ticket
163. bet on a horse and win
164. blow glass
165. widdle
166. try sake
167. learn to read braille
168. own a gun
169. dress as a mime and perform a routine in public
170. be a street performer in a foreign nation
171. learn to DJ
172. know a band to the point of obsession
173. DJ at a rave
174. go to a full service gas station and have my gas pumped for me
175. bowl over 250
176. see a lion in the wild
177. create a mathematical theorem
178. take a 40+ day vow of silence
179. learn to riverdance
180. get a high score in an arcade game
181. start a webcomic
182. frenchkiss in france
183. spend an entire day meditating
184. throw a boomerang and have it come back
185. make my own musical montage
186. ride on a train
187. ride on a subway
188. get a professional massage
189. take massage lessons
190. get a call through to rush limbaugh
191. get a call through to shawn hannity
192. get a call through to neil boortz
193. get another call through to hannity and troll him
194. try caviar
195. design a concept car
196. organize my iTunes library
197. draw a perfect circle freehand
198. choreograph a fight scene and get in a staged fight at a bar
199. make a list of the 50 corniest pick-up lines
200. use my 50 corniest pick-up lines in one night
201. use my 10 corniest pick-up lines on one lady
202. write a letter by hand with a quill
203. ride a horse on cobblestone roads
204. finish this list
205. eat a burrito
206. sleep on a hammock
207. mix my own barbecue sauce
208. bath in a river
209. solve a rubiks cube in 5 min or less
210. watch King Lear performed live
211. write my will
212. learn and become good at archery
213. try an inside out burger
214. drive a mile on the wrong side of a highway
215. drive a convertible with my top down
216. eat a stolen candy bar in a grocery store
217. go through survivalist training
218. spend a week in solitary confinement
219. pass the bar
220. ace the LSAT
221. ice skate on a frozen over lake
222. sculpt ice
223. drive a golf cart
224. fry an egg on the desert sand
225. keep my eyes closed or blind folded for a week
226. eat at a 5 star restaurant
227. stay in a 5 star hotel
228. take a 12+ hour flight
229. attend a political party convention
230. run over a car
231. write a complete wiki article that stays
232. pose with a bored look on my face for a scary roller coaster picture
233. get a girl i just met to pose kissing on a roller coaster for the pic
234. win a case
235. train a pet
236. climb an elevator shaft
237. be a part of a Renaissance fair
238. make a bomb w/o instructions
239. learn to use a lasso
240. scale a buliding with a grappeling hook
241. scare someone shitless
242. be scared shitless
243. audition to be in a movie
244. punch a cow
245. tip someone more than 100%
246. eat an apple right off a tree
247. eat a strange fruit I've never tried right off a wild tree
248. set myself on fire
249. experience absolute darkness
250. flee the country on spontaneous whim
251. water ski
252. go to a large toys store as a grown man and pretend to be a kid
253. go to a non costume party in a costume
254. pole vault
255. scream at the top of my lungs
256. stay awake for 72 hours straight
257. eat a raw egg
258. ride a horse in the desert
259. ride a camel
260. ride a horse on water
261. jump over a river with a horse
262. write a sonnet
263. play a part in a battle reenactment
264. streak
265. read a major congressional bill in its entirety
266. make a stick fight animation
267. down a 40
268. buy a terabyte ipod or other media player
269. speak in front of a congressional panel
270. play in a poker tournament
271. hit the 8ball in on break
272. get a credit card w/o a limit
273. grow a goatee
274. get season tickets to the Panthers and go to every game.
275. go to a Panther's game in the box

.......

My Poetry

In Love,
so true,
so bliss,
so blind,
It claims my breath,
It tears my mind,
Love,
be you a sweet sensation,
heal the wounds of this war-torn nation,
Love,
not lust,
never a tease,
cause the pangs of death to ease

-------------------------------------------------------

I often wish to live 9 lives
I'd be born on every continent-
even Antartica
I'd have 9 completely different careers.
9 different sets of friends.
I'd make different choices.
I'd be 9 different people.

I said I often wish to live 9 lives
to fall in love with you nine times.

-------------------------------------------------------

A letter never written,
prose still plays my mind
A poem never given,
still read it from time to time
Feelings I'll never share,
love never found for she is rare,
Sinking,
I'm sinking into thoughts
I wish not to be thinking,
I tell my self she likes me,
and returns the crush
I tell myself, don't tell her yet-
I mean, whats the rush.
The time is now!
I must be brave!
But if she says no,
my heart will cave.
COWARD!
I'm a punk.
Never good enough,
my poem stunk.

-------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday's sun has set
and yet another risen,
but memories still remain
some left unforgiven

-------------------------------------------------------


Sanity is inhibited,
controlled by fears
and driven by goals
instead of passions.

Insanity is without inhibitions,
psychotic,
without fear or consequence,
pure, natural

Sanity breeds frustration
Insanity calms desire

The Sane oppress all others,
the minority,
those who do not live,
but rather,
exist

-------------------------------------------------------

A wise man once told me:

The only way to learn not to know anger and sorrow,
is to forget joy and happiness,
to forget love without picking up hate,
to feel indifference and know no bonds.

-------------------------------------------------------
(my personal fave)

Is it I that is blind, and not you?
You smile and say that it'll be okay,

Can you hear more than I?
For you hum with the tunes of the "Sidewalk" blues,

Am I so apathetic, so unfeeling, so cold?
That I cannot share in the bliss of children

Or is it you?
You smile at meager pleasures,
ignoring the suffering of so many.

Or is it you?
Do you not hear his pain,
His torture,
lamenting

Is your apathy not worse than mine?
I see the smiles of children,
ignorantly being shoved into a world,
of death, famine, genocide,
You!

It is I.

-------------------------------------------------------


My father never taught me to shuck and jive
the only thing a young negro needs to know to stay alive
He told me I descended from kings and queens
but all I see around me is drug dealers and fiends
I close my eyes, open my heart,and strengthen my mind,
but it seems even a blind man can see the color line
Some might say, "if only my color was different,"
its foolish to pray, "if only skin color didn't make a difference"
it would seem racism is now a part of our collective soul
a diamond is perfected when poetically connected to coal,

My Father never taught me to open my hand,
closed fist,
stiff wrist,
on my soapbox, I stand
To be closer to heaven?
to be further from man?

I'm not sure if I'm done yet b'cus, I've had major writer's block for at least a month and this just doesn't seem done

-------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------

though i closed my eyes
though the clouds darkened the skies
i knew, the sun shined

-------------------------------------------------------

the cooling calm breeze
rattles the reeds and the brush
spreading seeds of lust

-------------------------------------------------------

the fire burns harsh
raging within the machine
i, alone fight it

-------------------------------------------------------

His song was without tone
as he sang to that raging metronome
I did not know the man or of which he spoke
corn and rain, banks and smoke
a farmer who sung a song so sweet
as I heard and stared while tapping my feet
I stood to rise
I met his eyes
A fire dancing from the words he muttered
I fell to my place as the train had stuttered
His song was plain I thought it mere speech
But I listened on for no song is unsweet

-------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------