N***** [2]

I wrote your name one-thousand seven-hundred and thirty-six times on a piece of paper
and I-
I burned it.
Twenty-three times on the eight sides of a number two pencil,
thrice on the tip,
once on the eraser,
stuck it in the fire
and I-
turned it.
Sketched my diary in a tree,
carved the memory of a single night and a thousand dreams

I spoke to my soul with pleading tongue
to relinquish its song, my pain, your animus
to drown out the ballad,
the cursed chorus,
the convulsive refrain,
melodious maladies waning in perpetuity
through the walls of my soul

I solicit demons and angels alike
for rest,
for solace,
for calm,
to restrain the roaring tides
and contend the discord shaking my ether

You who never was,
I will always love,
You who always were,
Forever have my contempt.
Enmity in the mask of my rapture,
Pretender,
Charlatan!
Enchantress!
I shall abhor you to the end of my days